Wegweiser Grief & Bereavement · Rights & Support Deutsch

🧸 Grief in children and young people

Children grieve differently from adults – often in short phases rather than continuously. This is normal, not a sign of coldness.

Children's grief Children's hospice service VEID Bereaved siblings

In brief

Children understand death differently depending on their age: small children often do not yet grasp its finality, while primary-school children increasingly develop a more realistic understanding. It is important to explain honestly and in an age-appropriate way what has happened – clear words such as "died" instead of euphemisms such as "fell asleep", which can lead to a fear of sleeping in small children.

Children often grieve "on a low flame": short, intense moments of grief alternate with entirely normal play and laughter. This is not coldness, but an age-appropriate way of coping with loss.

Step by step

  1. Inform honestly and in an age-appropriate wayUse clear words instead of euphemisms that can be misunderstood.
  2. Let the child chooseLet the child decide for themselves whether they want to take part in the funeral or rituals – and prepare them for what to expect there.
  3. Keep everyday life as stable as possibleFamiliar routines give children security in an exceptional situation.
  4. Inform nursery or schoolInvolve nursery staff and teachers so that they can respond supportively.
  5. Watch for persistent warning signsIn case of strong withdrawal, a marked drop in performance or changes in behaviour lasting several months, specifically seek professional support.

Deadlines

no statutory deadline
There is no fixed time limit for children's grief reactions; warning signs should be assessed by a professional after several months, without an exact deadline being prescribed
Watch out – common mistakes
  • Children do not need to grieve continuously – playing and laughing shortly after the loss is normal.
  • Excluding children from the funeral "to protect them" often takes away their chance to say goodbye – informing, preparing and letting the child choose is usually the better way.
  • Some children's reactions (bedwetting, separation anxiety, aggressive behaviour) are temporary, normal grief reactions and not a diagnosis in their own right.
  • General grief support is not automatically suitable for children – specialised services for children differ from services for adults.
In depth · legal basis, figures and practice – for advisers and professionals

Age-dependent understanding of death

In terms of developmental psychology, children understand the finality, irreversibility and universality of death only gradually – pre-school children often do not yet have a complete concept of death, while this increasingly forms at primary-school age. For advisory practice this means: explanations should be adapted to the respective stage of development, but always be honest.

Specialised contact points

The Deutscher Kinderhospizverein e.V. and the Bundesverband Kinderhospiz e.V. support families with seriously ill or dying children as well as bereaved siblings. The Bundesverband Verwaiste Eltern und trauernde Geschwister in Deutschland e.V. (VEID) is aimed specifically at parents and siblings after the death of a child and coordinates around 500 local self-help groups nationwide.

Who is responsible
  • Child and adolescent psychotherapists if needed
  • School psychology services
  • Specialised children's hospice services
Further reading
Grief support: forms and contact pointsGrief after miscarriage and loss of a childAdvice and support services for grief

Quick questions

Worum geht es bei „Grief in children and young people“?
Children grieve differently from adults – often in short phases rather than continuously. This is normal, not a sign of coldness.
Which deadlines and figures matter?
no statutory deadline: There is no fixed time limit for children's grief reactions; warning signs should be assessed by a professional after several months, without an exact deadline being prescribed
What should I do first?
  • Inform honestly and in an age-appropriate way: Use clear words instead of euphemisms that can be misunderstood.
  • Let the child choose: Let the child decide for themselves whether they want to take part in the funeral or rituals – and prepare them for what to expect there.
  • Keep everyday life as stable as possible: Familiar routines give children security in an exceptional situation.
What do I need to watch out for?
  • Children do not need to grieve continuously – playing and laughing shortly after the loss is normal.
  • Excluding children from the funeral "to protect them" often takes away their chance to say goodbye – informing, preparing and letting the child choose is usually the better way.
  • Some children's reactions (bedwetting, separation anxiety, aggressive behaviour) are temporary, normal grief reactions and not a diagnosis in their own right.
Evidence
  • Deutscher Kinderhospizverein e.V. (deutscher-kinderhospizverein.de)
  • Bundesverband Kinderhospiz e.V.
  • VEID e.V. (veid.de)
As of

As of September 2026. · Sources and method

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