⚖️ Custody and contact rights
In brief
If you were married to the other parent, after separation you initially continue to share parental custody unless a court decides otherwise. If you were not married, as the mother you initially automatically have sole custody, unless both parents make a joint custody declaration or the family court transfers joint custody on the father's application.
Regardless of custody, your child in principle has a right to contact with both parents – and both parents are entitled and obliged to have contact.
Step by step
- Clarify the custody situationCheck whether a joint custody declaration exists or whether, as an unmarried mother, you have sole custody.
- Apply for sole custody if neededApply to the family court for transfer of sole custody if joint custody no longer corresponds to the child's best interests and the other parent does not consent.
- Agree contact arrangements amicablyFirst try to agree a contact arrangement amicably – for example with the support of a parenting or family counselling centre.
- Apply for a court arrangementIf no agreement is reached, the family court can determine the extent and form of contact and, in case of repeated serious breaches of duty, order a contact guardianship (Umgangspflegschaft).
- Observe the duty of good conductRefrain from anything that could impair your child's relationship with the other parent – this is an independent statutory duty.
Deadlines
- Even with sole custody you have no automatic authority to refuse contact with the other parent – excluding contact requires a court decision because of a risk to the child's welfare.
- The other parent's custody application against your sole custody can succeed even without your consent if, in the court's assessment, transferring joint custody best corresponds to the child's best interests.
- For children over 14, their own expressly stated wish carries considerable weight in custody decisions – a transfer against the child's clear wish is made more difficult.
- Violations of the duty of good conduct (e.g. systematically denigrating the other parent) can be held against you in court, even if you have sole custody.
In depth · legal basis, figures and practice – for advisers and professionals
Joint custody for unmarried parents
Parents not married to each other obtain joint custody either through a joint custody declaration (§ 1626a BGB) or through a decision of the family court on the application of one parent, if joint custody is not contrary to the child's best interests. Without such a declaration or decision, the mother initially has sole custody.
Transfer of sole custody on separation (§ 1671 BGB)
If parents with joint custody live separately not just temporarily, each parent can apply to the family court to have parental custody, or part of it, transferred to them alone. The application must be granted if the other parent consents (except where a child over 14 objects) or if it is to be expected that ending joint custody and transferring it to the applicant best corresponds to the child's best interests.
Contact rights (§ 1684 BGB)
The child has the right to contact with each parent; each parent is entitled and obliged to have contact. Both parents must refrain from anything that impairs the child's relationship with the other parent or makes upbringing more difficult (duty of good conduct) – this also applies if the child lives with another person. The family court can determine the extent of contact, order a contact guardianship and restrict or exclude contact insofar as this is necessary for the child's welfare; a permanent restriction requires a risk to the child's welfare.
Beistandschaft and counselling
Local parenting counselling centres (§ 28 SGB VIII) support conflicts around custody and contact rights free of charge and independently of family court proceedings.
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